Bryce Digdug

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2012-02-03T13:48:00.001-08:00

Movies are a search for the magic in our lives. Vincente Minneli

Midnight in Paris

2012-01-24T10:35:00.001-08:00

This movie is a mashup of art history 101 and meet the Fokkers. Why Woody is obsessed with the upper class is beyond me. He was not born into it and was a stand up comedian. The characters are one dimensional. It is interesting to hear Hemingway speak with text from his novels and a fun gimick. Owen Wilson is a screenwriter who lives in Malibu just like his character. He co wrote great movies with wes ANDERSON. It's great that Gertrude Stein is in it somewhat redeeming the homophobic jokes in many of his movies.

The plot revolves around whether the parents will accept him or not, a trite summer comedy plot.

Movie star Toby jugs

2012-01-12T06:32:00.001-08:00

I call them mugs they call them jugs. These collectible beverage containers are available on e-bay by someone from Milton Keynes England. Wouldn't you like Edward G. Robinson, Bogart and Cagney mugs next to your Winston Churchill on top of your mantlepiece too?

Legal: I have no connection with the seller or manufacturer.

Using metaphors correctly

2012-01-10T22:52:00.001-08:00

He was the incarnation of a book-thief. Of this metaphor, H.W. Fowler says: What is the incarnation of a thief ? Too, too solid flesh indeed!

The Year in Review

2011-12-30T15:47:00.000-08:00

Burl Ives Toby Mugs

2011-12-22T20:25:00.001-08:00

Christmas is almost here and the Amish are working their fingers to the bone to create these delightful Toby-style mugs. What a delight to drink your grog and your nog out of Burl Ives head! Collect all eight Burl Ives Toby-style mugs crafted with old Amish workmanship: Frontier Burl, Reb, Dixieland, Sea Captain, Bum, CIA Agent, Bowler-hatted Brit and, of course, Big Daddy. Each mug smokes a cigar. The handles are very durable - Rebseven looks like a tree branch, though the others are unimaginative. Order now from the Bryce Mint and a buggy will pull up to your house Christmas morning. Cheers!

Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds

2011-12-17T15:56:00.000-08:00

Saw The Birds yesterday at the Castro theater. One of my favorite in-jokes is when Mitch is tending to Melanie's scalp wound from a seagull with a bottle of antiseptic and Melanie asks "What is that?" Mitch replies, "Peroxide."

This is the first viewing where I realized that Patty, I mean Melanie's father is a San Francisco newspaper owner. Now prankish daughters of socialite newspaper owners are an interesting subject. We learn that Melanie misbehaved in Paris (don't all debs and sub-debs do that?). I might point out that when Mitch's twee neighbor in San Francisco tells Melanie that Mitch is out of town in Bodega Bay she asks "Where is that?"

There are two reasons why Melane should know where Bodega Bay is

She is a socialite.
She works for Travelers Aid

But I gues the audience needs to know where it is.

The only two excellent actors in the movie are Veronica Cartwright and Jessica Tandy. Tippi tries, and Rod looks confused. But Rod will later triumph in V.I.P.'s

Catalan Yule Log

2011-12-15T10:43:00.001-08:00

According to the pedia this actual log is wrapped in a blanket and fed grass. After a few days it is hit a few times with a stick and expels presents.

The Drunken Remote Control Jungle Cruise Boat

2011-12-02T14:15:00.001-08:00

The story is that Victor Hugo gave French poet Arthur Rimbaud the nickname Shakespeare Infant, but it now known it came from an unscrupulous Belgian phrenologist. In addition, there is now ample evidence that the poem The Drunken Boat refers to the famous remote control jungle cruise boats on the grounds of a famous hotel in Anaheim, California proving that Arthur and boyfriend Germain Noveau travelled further west than Java.

On Java, Rimbaud's first job was a rock pile supervisor, next a rockstar Java programmer.This enabled the guys enough money to make their next stop in Hawaii where they went to Auntie Things Luau located in an industrial area outside of Honolulu. Weakened pineapple juice and even weaker rum did not bother Boy Shakespeare as he was able to drink anything, even absinthe.

They worked as French tour guides on Waikiki Beach and earned enough money to buy e-tickets to southern California.

The Chi of Cheese

2011-10-24T11:06:00.001-07:00

The NYT says Kraft shares are wobbling

But I'm buying

Not just for the gobbling

'cause Feng Shui is back

And cheese chi a fact

Whether it artisan, singles or aerosol foam

2011-10-24T10:56:00.001-07:00

Goings on

2011-09-27T09:51:00.001-07:00

Turandot at the ballpark was fab. Our posse included Lady Graham and Mr Mark St Mark. Fab singing, acting. Costumes and sets. Doing research on You Tube I found the Met's version from many years ago with a dragon set the size of the stage. This was with Pav' and the Cab'.

Painting with white

2011-09-12T09:55:00.001-07:00

Groundsqwerl, the San Francisco-based fashion, art and archictecture magazine did a fashion shoot at my atelier in the Mission. The theme was white, a daring transgression after Labor Day that almost qualifies as heresy, but you know those groundsqwerls!

When the Fall issue came out I was expecting photos, but the photos were used as models for paintings of models in my abode. Because the stunning male fashion model "Kennedy" was wearing a white shirt and white pants, the artist had to dirty the corners of my ceiling by squeezing a tube of black oil paint on his pallette so that Kennedy could even be seen. I pride myself on my absolutely pristine apartment. The walls are so clean you can eat off them.

My attorney said that my contract did not give them permisssion to paint my walls.

camping in the high sierras

2011-09-03T19:30:00.001-07:00

Hello all

History of Cha-Cha-Cha

2011-08-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

I was furious when I received the uncorrected proof of my latest book "History of Cha-Cha-Cha," which the publisher mislabeled "History of the Cha-Cha-Cha," which makes it sound very dull. The only duller title would be "A History of Cha-Cha-Cha," which sounds as exciting as a treatise on Medieval war machines. We're talking about dancing here, people. We're talking about swinging the hips, letting our tailbones slip.

"This is cha-cha-cha!" I screamed into the phone to my editor. "Not one of your

Distressed Hoodie

2011-08-15T14:26:00.001-07:00

I'm not really into fantasy science fiction, but since my kitchen with its lemon yellow mid-century metal cabinets and fridge was rented out for a popular brand's distressed hoodie photo shoot, I ended up having lunch with a distressed gnome hired to model the distressed hoodie. The stylist, the person who arranges things and sets up the photo, brought along a nasty-looking long-haired cat named Dibble, who was affectionate and shed all over my kitchen.

Don't let me become one of those people who...

2011-07-24T12:10:00.001-07:00

collect ceramic owls. There are already two people in my neighborhood who do. One is the guy with the owl window. His building has bay windows on the second and third floors, but the first floor suddenly becomes very L.A. His famous owls are displayed in a big, square picture window which I believe is SLIDING GLASS which is heresy in S.F. It's hard to see inside; he also has lots of plants, and he works at home among many plants and his wise totems.

Exaggerated Bow

2011-07-12T17:08:00.001-07:00

Here is self-referential humor at its finest. The exaggerated bow. It celebrates the world's most famous Kitty' s 35th anniversary. Yes, she was born in 1977. In London (??). Like many children's stories her parents are never mentioned.She does have kindly grandparents though. The first person I knew into hk was a performance artist named Werther Ornot. I was stepping off a bus from Chico where I had given a lecture on equestrian statues. Werther was headed to Berkeley and proceeded to open an hk coin purse and pull out a New Zealand 10 pence. His most famous piece involved creating a series of fake weather maps with non-existant cold fronts. Actually he was better known for his experimental music at Mills College. You know, comedienne Rose Marie is very up on the arts. She funded and owns an installation I did at the Oroville Museum of Contemporary Art. It is called The Floating Cup Garden. A small travertine plaza has a maze drilled into it. The width of these canals, that branch out at right angles, is slightly wider than a tea cup and their depth slightly deeper. In the beginnig the cups full of fragrant, inspirational tea float in an artificial, kidney-shaped pond. A great loon call is heard and a running outboard motor is lowered into the pond. This causes the steaming vessels of hot liquid to disperse into the Floating Cup Garden, each on its way like a drunken boat. A series of travertine pavilions shade the mini- canals. Here poets stand in long gold robes. They are not to move and only IF a cup is stuck in the maze do they gracefully squat, take the cup from the water, stand, drink and declaim an extemporaneous poem. Then Rose Marie declares the best poem and the winning poet takes an exaggerated bow.

Nonline Dictionary

2011-07-09T10:28:00.001-07:00

I was so excited to have saved fiive dollars on a paperback dictionary that I shared my delight with a group of friends over veggiie omlettes at the Hawk's Perch. A friend who resembles a small neurotic dog barked "A dictionary? Why can't you just look things up on the web??"
You mean those online dictionaries that were created with YEARS of scholarship and research?

One of the pleasures of looking up an entry in a paper dictionary is that I get lost on the way.

Our new home (Bill and me)

2011-07-02T13:49:00.000-07:00

A wonderful architect has designed and built a vacation home for us on Long Island. We are both high-level, hi-tech executives in Seattle, but need our sunbaths during the summer. Also, it's easier to fly to Europe from Long Island.

The house is shaped like an airplane hanger and is mostly underground. Image an enormous pipe pushed into the earth. Very green, n'est-ce pas? It complies with zoning regulations by not being obviously ostentatious. The only change I asked for after completion was that the concrete staircase down to the hidden underground level be ripped out, redesigned and rebuilt. They were concrete steps held up by steel cables like a suspension bridge. I wasn't walking down that thing. After Joan Crawford's husband Al Steele's accident in their two-level penthouse, I didn't want any chi-leaking stairs.

Being 6'3", a house with a sloping ceiling didn't work too well for me. Bill is short so he never thought of the limitations of such a design. He suggested that we put up beaded curtains where the slope became dangerous to my noggin. This was an excellent idea, especially since I had just published an article in "Film and Cinema Review" about beaded curtains in motion pictures. The first curtain I mention is in Otto Preminger's "Advise and Consent" a film about political blackmail. One character, sort of a male maven, answers the door of his apartment wearing a caftan. The set decorator uses a beaded curtain in the scene to indicate the character is a homosexual. Now, there is nothing wrong with caftans. I ordered mine as soon as one appeared in the "Ah Men" catalog in 1968. The next beaded curtain I explore is in "Color Me Kubrick" where John Malkovitch plays a guy who impersonates Stanley Kubrick to con people out of thousands of dollars. The con artist was gay, though Kubrick was not. Malkovitch, in his beaded curtained apartment, plays the con man with the usual limp wrist gestures he applies to all his gay roles. (Even though it was stereotypical, I enjoyed the movie). During the commentary, the director mentions that he actually met the real con artist. He said the guy didn't seem very "gay acting" at all. Duh. Finally the last film I mention is, of course, Hitchcock's "Beaded Curtain."

The Perfect Storm

2011-06-07T14:56:00.000-07:00

San Francisco sky is usually gray. It's easy to be a San Francisco weatherman. Just predict partly cloudy every day. Today, however, three gaps in the clouds collided to form one big blue anti-cloud. The perfect storm...of light.

Castro Plaza an urban "mini-park" at Castro and Market is traffic-free. Potted plants prevent cars from turning into it. Citizens and tourists alike board antique street cars (of the "Presidential") model, painted different colors based on the city of their origin. They make a screeching noise as the round the corner that resembles the trumpeting of an elephant.

Those Darned Harmonicas!

2011-05-15T13:24:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows of the San Francisco harmonica troupe "Those Darned Harmonicas!" Their name, no doubt is based on "Those Darned Accordians!" They play every size and key of mouth organ. Entire suites are performed using no other instrument. Small venues are best for harmonica quintets and they have played at the Duck Creeke Inn, Chez Spencer, Radish, and the K.O. Room. Another harmonica favorite of ours is Tin Sandwich, a one-man band. He wears a coat of many pockets where he keeps his many harmonicas from peewee to one the size of a roast beef sandwich.

The Kama 'aina

2011-04-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

A kama 'aina is not someone born in Hawaii, but someone who has lived there a long time. Such a person is Dick Van Patten, who, in a Hawaiian television commercial in the 80's advertised timeshares (or something like that), ending his spiel by saying "Take it from me, the kama 'aina."

Every since then Dick was dubbed, by my friends and me the Kama 'aina.

One day as I pushed out the revolving doors of the Digdug Cuckoo Clock Company's tower, there, jogging on the bricks of Market Street, San Francisco, in a pair of too-tight 70's running shorts was the Kama 'aina. I immediately called a friend and shrieked in the phone: "GUESS WHO I SAW ON MARKET STREET? THE KAMA 'AINA!" There was silence on the other end of the phone. I guess he wasn't as impressed by bad celebrities as I was.

Howdy Pa! Howdy Ma!

2011-04-12T14:36:00.001-07:00

Howdy Pa! Howdy Ma!

Cantinflas and der Bingle

2011-01-17T17:48:00.000-08:00

Crow on the Conservatory

2011-01-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

A lively crow was on the conservatory today, proud on her perch and playful. She crowed a few times, the verdigris feathers around her neck fluffing. I was not wearing a three-cornered hat, so she had no reason to change her perch.

What made me gay

2010-11-21T11:47:00.001-08:00

What made me gay? My mother made hamburgers. While pregnant. Specifically it was the process she used to make the patties that did it. She would take a cut of meat out of the refrigerator and push it in the meat grinder clamped to the kitchen counter. As she cranked the moist pink meat came out of the bottom of the grinder in squiggles. A hamburger press then came into action. A hamburger press is two pieces of circular wood about an inch thick hinged together on their flat end. The inside of the top one is convex and the bottom is concave. She placed a piece of waxed paper in the bottom one, rolled some meat into a ball and put it in the hamburger press. She pressed down. It was at that moment I became a homosexual.

During college I developed a test that people could take to see if they were gay:

Was your mother a cub scout leader?

Did you ever want to go into the ministry?

Have you ever taken Valium?

Do you like Better Midler?

Did your mother have a hamburger press with a rooster on it?

The last question was a deal-breaker. If someone answered "no" to all the questions, but their mother had a hamburger press with a rooster on it - they were gay. Period.

Because of the quiz my friend Jaz began collecting hamburger presses. All of them had roosters on them because all hamburger presses have roosters on them. This collection was profiled in the LA Times Magazine about strange collections. It was in a museum show in Fullerton. He read about the collection recently at Smackdab, a queer literary and performance open mic at Magnet in San Francisco's vibrant Castro district.

When Jaz went to the mic he brought a hamburger press along for show and tell. It had a rooster on it. A very proud rooster puffing his chest out, followed by two little, yellow chicks. The words cock of the walk were painted below the illustration. It finally hit me. Why all hamburger presses had roosters on them. Cooking hamburgers was dad's job, on weekends, on the backyard grill. Imagine an advertisement for a grill with dad in the back yard wearing a chef's hat, mom playing with two children, a boy and a girl. A dachshund looking up at the grill.

The Lobby

2010-10-25T16:43:00.000-07:00

In the day when websites tried to imitate the real world you might see a home page labeled The Lobby. From there you could link to the Barbershop and get a trim or shoot the breeze. Suddenly an avatar from the Andy Griffith Show would pop in with a problem - a billygoat was chewing the hoses people used to water their lawns. Users of the website pick their own avatar from the Griffith show, or Coronet Blue and try to solve the problem.

In this competitive environment, we need to maintain productivity at it’s highest level and to

2010-10-20T16:38:00.001-07:00

This is Charlie Anders one of the great science fiction humor writers of our time and host of Writers with Drinks at the Makeout Room in San Francisco (across from the Deer Creeke Inn).

BTW, I found this sentence in a technical writing white paper:
"In this competitive environment, we need to maintain productivity at it’s highest level and to minimize any activities that squanders our precious workday." I guess we also need to work on our noun / verb agreement.

Shakespeare Infant

2010-10-18T14:37:00.000-07:00

Victor Hugo is said to have remarked about Arthur Rimbaud, "Shakespeare Infant!" The French Twin Cities , birth place of Rimbaud, celebrate him every year in September.

The first song on the first side

2010-10-06T17:27:00.000-07:00

In high school many of us made music mixes on cassettes. Now people use CDs. Junk Thief and moi went to Mixed-Up Disc Society CD swap at Francisco's Duck Creeke Tavern. I created my own LP record mix by using a butter knife to cut rings from fave 33 1/3 RPMs. Par example, from I cut the cut of Patti Page singing "Mockingbird Hill" then the Hi Lo's performing "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" (fast scat version). Since this was the first song on the first side of Suddenly It's the Hi-Lo's - Columbia CL-952 (LP), I simply trimmed around the edge of the record like I was whittlin scrimshaw. Then I assembled all the rings (sort of like ring-toss) with rubber cement.

Landron (Junk Thief) won best album design for his boxed 2-CD set and walked away with swag. The event was attended by a cool, small, but friendly group of cats. There is actually no Duck Creeke or Duck Creek in the city. There are several underground creeks that the city is exploring "daylighting." Is that like outing a creek?

Next time the Mixed-Up Disc Society meets, I suggest that everyone be required to have liner notes. Speaking of which, here, verbatim, are the liner notes to the aforesaid Hi Lo's album:

By Jose Ferrer
This is the Hi-Lo's first album for Columbia Records and as a former recording artist the brevity of whose career is unparalleled in platter history I have been asked to sort of welcome the boys into their new home by writing the notes for this album.

Being green at this sort of thing, I recently wandered into a music store and read a vast number of notes on other record albums. I discovered that for the most part, these notes seem to fall into a few very well-defined categories.
We have, for instance, the historical approach: "On September 23, 1951, Dwight D. Eisenhower, soon to become but not yet the thirty-fourth President of the United States, shot a birdie three on the seventeenth hole on the historical old golf course at St. Swithin's. It was not until two years, seven months and sixteen days later a new group called the Hi-Lo's etc . . ."

Then there is the sort of essay that tries to establish an aesthetic evaluation of the artist in philosophical terms: "Jubilant and serene in the soaring fervency of their affirmation, their voices proclaim man's essential faith in the universe and in his own destiny."
Still another method relies on a detailed analysis of the musical selections contained on the record: "The opening theme is stated briskly but without condescension. A petulant motif provides a mettlesome reply and briefly we are embroiled in the querulous Va-et-vien so wittily developed. Presently, however, wiser heads prevail and soon a quasi-elegiac aura bathes the erstwhile adversaries in a mood of contemplation bordering on the complacent."
I myself lean towards that aspect of the "story behind the story" school which stresses the human side, featuring the "They're just like people" theory. This method has many features to recommend it: for one thing the notes can be written without ever having to listen to the record.
Let me describe the Hi-Lo's to you. In appearance they are boyish, eager and sunny and might as well have called themselves "The Four Hair Cuts," "The Four Sophomores," "The Four Pigskins," or even "The Four Zippers." They affect the Brooks Brothers Ivy League type of dress without really understanding it...

-----------------------

We poke fun a the Hi Lo's, but they do, as Jose says, have perfect pitch. I think they are the best of the crew-cut quirky quartets to come out of the era.

More than my share of mash

2010-09-25T14:06:00.001-07:00

Oh, the days of Hippo Burger on Van Ness! Poor Van Ness that tuxedoed millionaire turned gamin (one of my favorite words from a Ramones song). Hippo was where a hippie friend ordered Welsh rarebit. Of course, I have had more than my share of bangers and mash lately, something I thought I would never eat. It is proper to purchase good bangers, use real potatoes for your mash (topped with green onions) and add Guinness and yellow onions to the gravy. Cook the heck out of the bangers, they should be blackened with the skin almost falling off. A friend of mine who says he does not like "encased meats" has never had bangers.

The Hippo? She was drawn by Wolo. Van Ness still has the grand auto showrooms designed by Pfleuger , Maybeck, Rem Koolhaus, and Julia Morgan. Most of them are now multiplexes.

Devoir

2010-09-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

April 11, 1865.--I have been measuring and making a trial of the new gray plaid which is to take the place of my old mountain shawl. The old servant which has been my companion for ten years, and which recalls to me so many poetical and delightful memories...The shawl, besides, is the only chivalrous article of dress which is still left to the modern traveler...and by means of which he may still do his devoir to fair women! How many times mine has served them for a cushion, a cloak, a shelter, on the damp grass of the Alps, on seats of hard rock, or in the sudden cool of the pinewood, during the walks, the rests, the readings, and the chats of mountain life! How many kindly smiles it has won for me! Even its blemishes are dear to me, for each darn and tear has its story, each scar is an armorial bearing. This tear was made by a hazel tree under Jaman--that by the buckle of a strap on the Frohnalp--that, again, by a bramble at Charnex; and each time fairy needles have repaired the injury. -- Frederik Amiel Journal

The poet and the emperor

2010-09-02T08:40:00.000-07:00

Junk Thief just posted a story called Spice Interrupted where a character named cousin Cedric has a beard longer on one side than the other. I immediately thought, of course, of Ras Makonnen the governor of Harrar. Posing in full uniform (note his realm in the background) Ras holds a gun purchased from French symbolist poet Arthur Rimbaud who ran a sort of a 7-Eleven store in Harrar. They were on friendly terms. Ras Makonnen is the father of Emperor Haile Selassie I.

Evidence shows that ancient ancestor cut meat

2010-08-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

"It's never been shown before that Lucy used stone tools, and it's never been shown before that Lucy ate meat," said Shannon McPherron, an archaeologist at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology, who discovered the new fossils. "We've moved back these critical behaviors.

McPherron discovered a petrified Salisbury steak in the parking lot of Desilu Studios. The marks on it appear to be made by a primitive stone tool. Some scientists dispute this, saying they are grill, not tool marks. Shannon stands by the discovery. The steak will be submitted to carbon dating to determine which season the steak is from.

One of the earliest milestones in archeology was the discovery of Lucy's teeth.

"They are all intact, " McPherron said, "most early ancestors lose a few in fights with saber toothed tigers. Her's are all there and 100% porcelain - made of clay. Apparently through millions of years of evolution after Lucy, the composition of homo sapiens sapiens teeth gradually changed from porcelain to calcium, phosphorus, and other mineral salts."

A Capella

2010-07-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

Civilization without instrumentalities? That would be the Four Preps. They wrote the immortal Santa Catalina:

Twenty- six miles across the sea

Santa catalina is a-waitin' for me

Santa catalina, the island of romance, romance, romance, romance
Water all around it everywhereTropical trees and the salty air

But for me the thing that's a-waitin' there-romance

The Four Preps also appeared in Gidget and one of them wrote Cobb wrote the song "Tainted Love" for Gloria Jones, which became a worldwide hit for Soft Cell in 1982. (Source: Wikipedia).

Gottlieb's Shoe Repair

2010-07-13T16:10:00.001-07:00

Everyone has been commenting about their favorite pinball machines. Captain Fantastic, Card Shark, Bathos and Pathos, and Spot 'Em!. My favorite, as you know, is Gottlieb's Shoe Repair.

Hello dere!

2010-06-10T15:52:00.001-07:00

There were two popular surf music instrumentals in the late 60's. One was Wipe Out and later Pipeline. Gottlieb came out with a pinball machine called Wipe Out which was second only to their popular Shoe Repair. In the basement of the 70's architectural gem the Hyatt Regency in San Francisco was a barbershop. No one was ever in there and it looked like they did not encourage walk-ins. It was the kind of shop that movie stars flew in town to go to. They had a signed photo of Marty Allen on the wall.

We're baaaack

2010-05-21T16:25:00.000-07:00

Well, what's been happening since our Farewell Tour, which wasn't since the blog is back. We promise not to pull a Cher again. The picture is not of me, but lion dancers are my favorite thing in the whole world. The "Big Head Buddha" is a traditional part of the lion dance and often accompaies the animal.

Footnotes to the Waste Land

2010-04-07T16:30:00.000-07:00

Several listeners to this blog requested footnotes to the previous post. Well, I don't want to ruin anybody's scavenger hunt, but I will provide a few clues. My model will be T.S. Eliot's footnotes to The Waste Land.

First of all, and many of you got this correct, the High Priestess in Fergus Hall's James Bond Tarot Deck is Jane Seymour. Secondly the top-hatted "Western Exterminator" joins in at a re-enactment of the hammering of the Golden Spike. Next is Robert Smithson's Spiral Jetty in the Great Salt Lake, which is near the Golden Spike National Monument. Smithson chose the site because of its salt-tolerant bacteria thriving because of "the building of a causeway by the Southern Pacific Railroad in 1959" (Wikipedia). The bacteria turns brackish water red. A spiral jetty makes brackish water (sounds like an old Dutch aphorism). Reminds me of the LA County Museum Art and Technology show held in year zero (1970). When I attended this show there on a marble plinth in front of the museum was an empty TV Dinner with each compartment filled with salt and water. Each one turned a different color based on the type of bacteria. A similar effect is seen from a plane flying into San Francisco International airport and viewing the colors of the saltworks below. Finally we have the mountain lion, resident of the Sierras.

p.s. the Izzyland remote-control boats with their striped awnings represent XIV (Temperance), I (the Magician), and IV (the Emperor).

Very verbose

2010-04-06T15:57:00.001-07:00

What a voice!

2010-04-02T16:03:00.000-07:00

Don't miss September Song.

Katherine Zeta-Jones for Portobello

2010-03-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

Will Melanie become the spokesperson? Lincoln Continental, the biggest competitor to the 'bello is having a contest where the netizens the nettin prols get to choose which pop song will be the theme for the next Continental ads.

Since the sustainable, hybrid Chrysler Portobello (50 miles to the gallon and 5.95 a pound) is a neo-70's car and the Continental is more reminiscent of the excessive 80's the Portobello Division marketing department is trying to get Cat Stevens or 60s singer Melanie to sing the praises of the luxury car.

Here are the lyrics (take that! - Continental!)

ARTIST: Melanie Safka
TITLE: I've Got a Brand New Chrysler Portobello(You've Got a Brand New Key)
Lyrics and Chords
I rode my Chrysler Portobello past your window last night
I drove it to your door at daylight
It almost seems like you're avoiding me
I'm OK alone but you've got something I need, well
/ C - - - / G7 - - - / C - - - / F - G7 - /
{Refrain}
/ C - / / / / F - / F FG7 / C - / /
I ride my bike, I roller skate, and I drive no car except the Portobello
Don't go too fast, but I go pretty far
For somebody who don't drive much, I been all around the world
Some people say I done all right for a girl
I asked your mother if you were at home
She said yes, but you weren't alone
Oh, sometimes I think that you're avoiding me
I'm OK alone but you got something I need, well
{Refrain}

Chrysler Portobello publicity speeds across the Web

2010-03-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

Last night I did a performance piece using a 1/20th scale model of my Chrysler Portobello. Perhaps this revolutionary car is hard to comprehend. On a practical level I demonstrated how easy it is to park a car with one wheel. You simply turn the wheel perpendicular to the curb and voila! p.s. News of the Portobello is spreading across the web.

Digdug Sued

2010-03-08T19:04:00.001-08:00

"How dare you!" I screamed over the speakerphone at the attorney. "I've been going to the clambake since before you were born. I know Kathryn Crosby!"

The reason he called me was this: I displayed a pic of the Lone Cypress on my last blog entry (the photo is now removed). The tree is, apparently, a registered trademark of the Pebble Beach Company.

No one can paint, sculpt, or photograph the Lone Cypress nor use it in any video or performance art and then sell the work product. There are signs posted around the tree "DO NOT PAINT" and "NO PERFORMANCE ART." Though my blog is free and I gain nothing monetarily from it (believe it or not) I took down a photo from my last post. How did an impressionistic painting of the Lone Cypress end up on this post? I believe that a hacker posted it there and forged my name.

At any rate I am ready to fully cooperate and orz in front of the Pebble Beach Company so as not to risk my placing in or winning the Concours d' Elegance with my Chrysler Portobello.

Speaking of artists, according to the Monterey Weekly artist Paxton Mobley painted "Happy Hour at the Lone Cypress" showing a tree used as a table with a brandy glass on top of it. He is now forbidden to even set foot on Pebble Beach property or I would invite him to the Concours.

BTW, I asked the attorney if it was okay to leave the 3,000 year old Hindu painting of a cypress on my last blog entry. He said he would think about it.

Chrysler's commitment to sustainability

2010-03-07T12:53:00.000-08:00

Every year I drive down to Pebble for Bill Murray’s gags and repartee, and in 2010 I return in August where my Chrysler Portobello will be a shining star in the Concours d’ Elegance. Publicity is already mushrooming. Here is copy from the brochure that the Chrysler legal department has graciously allowed me to reprint:

The Chrysler Portobello makes its debut at the Pebble Beach Concours d’ Elegance. The first example of this stunning super car is on display, detailing the quintessence of Chrysler engineering and design expertise. The culmination of all the marque’s know-how, it delivers effortless beauty with performance potential eclipsing any previous Chrysler. It promises a driving experience of unrivalled intensity and excitement while representing the world’s most desirable automotive art form.

Chrysler's commitment to sustainability is evidenced by the fact that the car is self-generating. It has a revolutionary dirt floor and every spring little Portobellos start their path to a full size car right inside the vehicle. The LS model is not equipped with a dirt floor, but a few squirts of the spray bottle on its blue-green shag carpeting and lil' Bellos will sprout.

Though it only comes in tan, brown, or black the car is very green. It relies on electric energy from an amazing storage battery located on the underside the car that powers “spark” plugs which then ignite gaseous fumes in the cylinders that turn the drive train. Its aerodynamics and single wheel contribute to gas mileage that far exceeds any SUV. The car’s heater saves energy by relying on heat from decaying vegetable matter.

Theory of everything

2010-03-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

When I asked the waitress at the Little A 'Le' Inn which theory of everything she subscribed to in she said, "I gave you everything and you et it all. Didja want and extra dill pickle? No charge"

"No, " I corrected, "I'm talking about theories that explain time, matter, space and the origin of the universe."

"Oh. You'd better spend the night then and ask them space aliens. Besides it's getting dark and you don't want to drive back to The Strip at night. You might hit a cow."

I stayed in one of the Inn's rooms, a double-wide that was quite comfortable. Spacecraft adorned the walls. There was a selection of video tapes for the VCR including The V.I.P.s, but I spent a lot of time outside watching the stars. The number of stars! I saw a satellite orbiting the Earth- way up there like a book mite making its way across the night sky dark as shale.

People have asked me where the steering wheel is on the Chrysler Portobello. There is no steering wheel. You steer by the seat of your pants.

The eternal moment

2010-02-25T14:12:00.000-08:00

While eating a tuna melt at the Little A 'Le' Inn I experienced the Now. Remember guru Ram Dass's book Be Here Now? The purple book had a square format necessitated by the mandala on the cover. "Be Here Now" is used by Senn Delaney as a management technique.

On the other hand, for God, time is an eternal moment (totem simul) - Thomas Aquinas. He wrote this in the thirteenth century hundreds of years before scientists discovered that the entire universe was once the size of the period at the end of this sentence. Aquinas postulates that everything is simultaneous for God. Perhaps time is God's gift to us. In an interview on PBS, Lari Pittman posits an interesting idea about hyper-capitalist time vs. Latino time.

LARI PITTMAN:
The paintings show the viewer many temporalities. There’s climate and there’s time. Sometimes there’s even an indication in some of the paintings that the top half of the painting might be at night and the bottom half in daylight. I think that, in southern California (whose only history has been hyper-capitalism) hyper-capitalism foregrounds this idea of episodic time: “This is the eight hours for work; this is the eight hours to sleep. And this is the eight hours for waking leisure.” Capitalism really enforces compartmentalized, sequential time. As I look back on my formative years, I didn’t grow up in that sense of time. You have to take this in a broader sense. Latino time is profoundly bittersweet because of its simultaneity. Even oppositional events can occupy the same spatial moment, the same time moment, and not really be contradictory. They’re just there, side by side. And I think that simultaneity of time and imagery exists in the paintings.

Paintings (c) Lari Pittman. Interview (c) PBS

Little A 'Le' French Bulldog

2010-02-22T21:11:00.000-08:00

A crude painting on the wall of Little A 'Le' Inn made me realize that one-eyed aliens have no depth perception.

Portobello Ponderosa

2010-02-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

The Portobello is back from the shop - its brake in full working condition. Yes, I said brake singular for the 'bello has only one wheel. The car gives me such a feeling of freedom. Though it is difficult to drive by oneself since it normally uses party steering, I raced east up Highway 80, stopping at the Pollack Pines Safeway for some celery, mushrooms, tomatoes and green goddess dressing, and then on to Incline Village, I mean the Ponderosa Amusement park to tip my hat to Pa and the boys. Ponderosa would be a great name for a truck n'est-ce pas? Alas, it is only a horse trailer. After viewing the park (it took two days to see all the attractions) I was off to Area 51, zooming across the Nevada desert at full speed, the high chaparral blurring out the window.

The road sign NV 375 gave me a chill even though I do not believe in extraterrestrials. I was hungry and needed to refuel the Portobello. The vision of a saucer shaped car parked outside of the Little A'Le'Inn had UFO buffs come running out of the restaurant. I think this is where the rumor started that the American car industry may be in trouble here, but is doing fine in other galaxies.

Portobello

2010-02-19T13:47:00.000-08:00

Chrysler has a new mid-size luxury car - the Portobello. Apparently a marketing expert was leafing through Elizabeth Schneider's Plants from Amaranth to Zucchini when the name popped out at him. Amaranth is one of the most beautiful words and a strange flower grandma grew. It is edible and used as a dye, in fact it's Red Dye No. 2. To quote Arthur Rimbaud:

The Lily they bestow on the Bard
Together with the pink and the amaranth!

Unfortunately, amaranth is a bit of a mouthful for a gum-chewing car salesman, thus the name Portobello stuck. The car "quotes" the Cordoba including a fabulously retro analog clock. The LS model features Corinthian you-know-what seats in a 70's mushroom color. The LS also has shag carpeting.

WARNING: Do not pick wild mushrooms. Period.

John Cage likes to pick wild mushrooms, but he's an amateur mycologist. Click here to see his interactive mushroom piece. Ricardo Montalban passed just last year. Perhaps Tony Bennett can take his place driving a Portobello. Here is his tag line:

Bella! Bella! Portobello!

Being round like a mushroom cap the Portobello seating arrangement is a revolution. Passengers sit inside in a circular padded leather conversation pit. The vehicle is steered by the group leaning this way or that. It is a team sport like yacht racing.

"Yet connection went with brains" - Carson McCullers

2010-02-14T07:03:00.000-08:00

Hypertext books flopped. Smarmy know-it-alls predicted that reading books on the Web would produce a new type of narrative where at a link the reader could choose the plot direction. sort of like being in the audience of an improv.

Wait! I just realized something. This blog is a hypertext narrative. Never mind what I said before.

Last night was Writers With Drinks at the Makeout Room. The teasing, hilarious, off-the-wall introductions of the writers by organizer and hostess Charlie Anders, are my favorite part. I usually find most of the intros impossible to remember because they fork down so many paths. Her encyclopedic mind jumps from radical gender politics to literary genres to science fiction. Her mind is quick as lightning and she writes in a style Robert Bly called leaping poetry. Here is a paraphrase to Charlie's intro of Cherie Priest, author of Boneshaker:

Cherie turned the city of Seattle into a sentinent being. Unfortunately,
sentinent beings have a tendancy to fall in love with their creator. They become clingy. Cherie told the city to give her some space. The city started to enclose around her, the buildings bending to perform a wall.

I can name that hat in _________

2010-02-12T06:25:00.000-08:00

We all remember the show "Name that tune!" Junk Thief once appeared on "Name that hat!" Of course he won.

Pop's House

2010-02-10T06:53:00.001-08:00

Palo Alto's women's bar Pop's House recently held a Barbara Bel Geddes costume party with many Midges and Miss Ellies in evidence. The peninsula is obsessed with Vertigo. Makes me think back to the film's 50th anniversary symposium at the Stanford Humanities Center. One of the papers presented was Mythological Themes in Hitchcock's Vertigo (c) Peter Y. Chou, WisdomPortal.com, to whom we owe the Midge frames in our previous post.

The silk, blue-green wrap the faux Madelaine is wearing on the set of Ernie's restaurant as she dines with Gavin is to die for. The wrap is very John Singer Sargent, but her back is Ingres. Speaking of Ingres' backs there is a scene towards the end of As Good As It Gets where Helen Hunt is about to go into the tub and a struggling artist (Greg Kinnear) says, "Wait a minute! Hold it there." He proceeds to sketch her and his career is changed forever.

Steel and Art

2010-02-08T21:56:00.000-08:00

I love everything about New Orleans: the oysters, the po' boys, the architecture, the music; the walking tours, so I'm glad they won the Super Bowl whee! But I feel sorry that Pittsburgh lost, so I thought I would lead us on a tour of the losing city just for "equal time."

The "Bridge of Sorrows" goes between the courthouse and the jailhouse.

Frederick Osterling's Union Arcade originally had four levels of shopping. Love the dormers. He built it for Henry Clay Frick one of the most horrible human beings of all time and an art collector. Frick purchased Ingres' Comtesse d'Haussonville that might just be the inspiration of the portrait of Carlotta and subsequently Midge's self-portrait in Vertigo. There's a Frick Art and Historical Center in Pittsburgh. The Frick Collection in New York City where the Ingres is housed is not-to-be-missed. It's Frick's formerNew York mansion and takes up an entire city block. Other works include Vermeers.

My Favorite Sculptor

2010-02-02T22:46:00.000-08:00

Richard Deacon is my favorite sculptor. His early works were riveted sheet metal doodles that twist and turn like mystical air conditioning ducts. Form is what is amazing and surprising. His wooden works speak the quiet language of driftwood and the withered forest, but do not look like coffee tables. This sculpture is not based on abstract predecessors of the 50's, yet not realistic. His rivets of his works in metal are elegant, reminding one of a Victorian Martian spacecraft, though his pieces are probably most related to music. Many works combine man-made with natural materials as musical instruments do. The work shown here is from "Art for Other People" a very different series for Deacon. Looking at a Deacon work is like sipping a very good French onion soup (in France they call it onion soup - soup a l'onion). He lives in London, but teaches at the Beaux-Arts where Julia Morgan was the first woman to graduate in architecture. There is something very English about his pieces.

The Roar of the Grapefruit

2010-02-01T15:04:00.000-08:00

A rival revival of one of my favorite musicals The Roar of the Grapefruit - the Smell of the Crowd is coming to the Orange County Performing Arts Center (across from Southcoast Plaza). A mother and her teen fraternal twins, travel west from Minneapolis finding themselves, somehow, in Orange County where the no-count father promised he had a new house waiting for them. It's full of tragedy, courage, humor, and vitamin C.

Fashion Advice from Hindy Weber-Tonoco (c) The Philippine Times

2010-01-30T07:13:00.000-08:00

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something butch. That’s how things will be looking on the sidewalks in major cities around the world. What’s a young, fun-loving, style lover to do when the global recession hits hard and your parents cut back on your allowance and tell you to get a job or two? They get on with it, that’s what. And there is no way they’re going to look blah doing it. In fact, they will work the look to the hilt so intensely that the design despots of the world will take notice and make their own amped-up, designer versions worth buckets of cash. The irony would disgust me if I were not so used to it being the way of the fashion world. Chanel did it, Poiret, Galliano, Gaultier, Dolce & Gabbana, Stella McCartney, and the king of street-style, Marc Jacobs. It’s all just one big blender of a fashion world. It is what it is. What separates the brilliant designers from the street-moochers is the ability to create something so good that the kids on the street, in turn, will clamor for it — creating a new trend altogether. The cycle is complete.

You will notice, most of these photos depict real people usually under the age of 25 and they’re using cheap, thrift-store, vintage items they either bought second-hand or from a high-street retailer, dug up from their aunt’s attic or, heaven forbid, stolen from a friend. We are not talking about high fashion trends seen on the runways or music videos, so don’t expect to see any ritzy baubles, six-inch skyscraper heels, fancy body-con dresses or any “It” whatsoever. Most styles exude a used, grungy, ‘80s/’90s aesthetic with a tomboy touch.

1. Style remix

This is a look that’s hard to pin down as there’s usually a heck of a lot going on. It’s all about combining multiple trends and themes from different eras. Hot trends from past seasons are recycled with newer items from the neighborhood mall, eBay, flea market heaps, and DIY accessories. Expect the unexpected. Think ‘70s hippie chick meets ‘20s flapper girl, ‘90s grunge with ‘80s glam and a whole lot of other stuff peppered in between. I think it’s fantastic because these are looks that are very difficult to replicate on magazines or TV or anyone else for that matter. It has to be just you — no editors or stylists to say what’s hot or what’s not.

2. Take out the trash

Highly influenced by the ‘90s grunge era and punk, this is a trend that makes you look like, well, crap. It’s a just-rolled-out-of-bed-still-reeling from-last night’s-narcotics look. Think exposed underwear, literally dirty hair, extremely oversized or extremely undersized clothing, heavy eyeliner or no makeup at all. Somehow some people manage to pull it off — they could actually vie for a spot on the The Sartorialist, although that’s likely going to make them want to hurl. Almost all items are vintage or thrift store-bought. What is Recession Chic? You’re lookin’ at it.

3. Print buffet

What’s on the menu? Uh, everything. Laura Ashley-esque ditsy florals, gypsy patterns, Americana and folkloric prints, Op Art graphic elements, photorealistic images and even holograms. It covers the spectrum from the florals from the early ‘50s all the way into the future of high-tech electronic printing techniques.

4. Color theory

This is a trend that is going to be super strong for next summer. Pair two brightly colored elements together — like a cardigan and sunglasses, a vest and jeans, a shirt and a jacket. It’s finding two contrasting but complementary colors that can give your outfit instant zing. Yellow will be everywhere, as well as various shades of blue, purple, lime and pink.

5. Can I take your coat?

2009 was a strong year for jackets as it ushered in the padded shoulder blazer and the oversized boyfriend jacket. Come to think of it, we should call 2009 the Boyfriend year. Boyfriend jeans, boyfriend jacket, boyfriend sneakers, vampire boyfriends. What you’ll be seeing on the streets will be rehashed styles, not the high-fashion sequined Balmain babies, although for sure there’ll be hordes of knockoffs. For 2010, it’s more like Molly Ringwald meets James Spader meets Miami Vice meets Sheena E. WTF??

6. Crowning glory

Whatever your look, something, anything, must cap it off — literally. Look out for old-school hip-hop or Beastie Boy caps, panama hats, wool fedoras, scarves, headbands, feathers and beads, bowler hats. And if that’s not your cup of tea, there’s always a punked-out ‘do or dark roots to keep things very “now.” You can also channel Nicole Richie and go for a “headlace” or “headlet” — those thingamajigs she wears on her head.

7. Check mate

This checkered fabric originated in Scotland where it is known as tartan. We call it plaid everywhere else. Tartan patterns were used on Scottish kilts to identify the various clans. It went mainstream in the ‘50s and never really left since. It has its down seasons but somehow, this nifty little fabric finds its way back into our hearts. I just got two button-downs at The Gap. Whoopeee! They make me look totally chill and laid-back, but secretly, I know I’m feeding my inner punk.

8. Nouveau denim

Time to store that designer bootcut because there’s a new jean in town. And it’s got cheap and retro written all over it. Boyfriend jeans and the Skinny Brit are the staples for 2010. Thrift-store styles like super-faded Western denim jackets and Daisy Duke hot pants are popular among the under-25s. These are styles you’ll most likely find at your local ukay-ukay, so time to plan that Baguio trip. Just try to get used to the high-waist all over again. High-stretch denim jeans, popularly known as jeggings, will also be a key look — I think I might buy me a pastel pink!

9. Bad-a-sling!

Looks like the season for all things ‘80s and ‘90s. These are bags you might remember during the early ’80s to early ‘90s. Ralph Lauren even had its own preppy version. These are easy-going bags that look better with age so grab those ukay-ukay shovels and dig in, kids. You’ll likely find a lot of good “gently used” versions. Drawstring satchels and bumbags (before they were called sling bags) are the key styles.

10. Lace-ups and huaraches

Ratty-looking men’s oxfords are already hitting the scene, and we’ll be seeing more of these in ‘10. Seventies style huarache leather sandals are also a key look. I predict Marc Jacobs or Chloe will come up with a high-heeled, stacked version.

Linnet, Lupin, Lupino

2010-01-28T21:00:00.000-08:00

Get me to the Art Deco in time

2010-01-08T21:19:00.000-08:00

We're not in Kansas anymore, we're in Cedar Rapids, Iowa to view the brick St. Paul's United Methodist Church designed by Louis Sullivan. Note the round auditorium. Oklahoma architect Bruce Goff was partially responsible for the Tulsa Methodist which "one of the finest examples of ecclesiastical Art Deco in the United States." It also has a round auditorium. Goff was a correspondent with Sullivan and a friend of Frank Lloyd Wright, but definitely his own person. You will want to purchase photographs of Goff's buildings from this dashing photographer's site.

Here is Bruce Goff and some of his buildings. Let's hope one of his extant buildings makes it into the next Wes Anderson Movie.

Virutal tour of the Nest country

2010-01-07T21:14:00.000-08:00

Here you'll find a virtual tour of the aforementioned Nest retreat.

Nest Magazine

2010-01-06T18:48:00.000-08:00

I have it on good authority that architect Phillip Johnson hated landscaping and plants. You only have to sit in the outdoor plaza of the Sony "Chippendale" Building in New York (formerly the AT&T building) in the uncomfortable, cast-iron-like, ice cream-shoppe-style love seats to feel absolutely unwelcome. Not a plant or tree in sight.

Then, there is his mirrored silo at 101 California in San Francisco's financial district. The building rests on chi-leaking stilts. Its outdoor plaza opens California to Market Street, violating the historical layout of San Francisco, and leaking a buttload of chi. There are ziggurats for brown-baggers to sit on during lunch, but now a series of giant planter pots have been added so there are few spots to enjoy a juicy tuna fish sandwich.

Kevin Killian wrote an article for Nest about the interior of Johnson and his husband's getaway in Big Sur. Only Killian would reference Karen Valentine in an architectural review! I am not worthy. Nest was great not only because of the articles, but every issue featured a new way of dealing with the paper of the magazine itself. Wavy die cuts or in the example here, holes drilled through the mag itself, which upset the advertisers. Spoilsports! I believe Matthew Stadler was the editor and here is an interesting article about Nest's founder's country house. I love double possessives!

The Lady or the Tiger?

2009-12-17T16:54:00.001-08:00

“The Lady or the Tiger?” is what Landron labels the lower level of his installation piece the "Shattering of Time." Here we have an elaborate toy train set. There are two tunnels. The train goes in one tunnel and comes out (locomotive first) the same tunnel it went in. The red circles on the tree are not bulbs, Landron insists, but "nodes."

Every Spring semester he teaches Boolean Logic at the Claire Trevor School for the Arts Art and Technology Department at U.C. Irvine. Teams of his graduate students take train tracks from a Lionel box. They must guess what the layout of the track for "The Lady or the Tiger?" is inside the mountain including Boolean switches. Since Landron lives in Bilbao, the course is podcast.

Speaking of trains, seen here hanging from the ceiling is Chris Burden's "Medusa's Head."

Giant Sundial

2009-12-16T16:45:00.001-08:00

I had the honor of being a guest on Junk Thief TV's YouTube cavalcade about the Amish and San Francisco's second most popular tourist attraction The Giant Sundial.

Junk Thief mentions Albion Castle in his current blog. Graham Robb refers to Great Britain as Albion in his biography Rimbaud. It was the original name for the island.

Arthur Rimbaud spent more time in London than in Paris. In London he probably heard a lecture by Karl Mark and almost knocked knees with Swinburne (drawn here by Rosetti).

Troll Window Special Guest Appearance!

2009-12-08T12:20:00.000-08:00

First the special guest appearance of Bea Lillie on Junk Thief and then the special mystery guest in the Troll Window . This sacred window (I call it the Troll Altar) on 18th Street near Valencia in San Francisco is one of the three reasons left to stay in San Francisco the others being (2) diagonal crossing and (3) the Giant ______ which will be revealed in a future Junk Thief TV episode. Today's safety hint: If you have a sunken living room be sure to place a potted plant or a Modigliani sculpture or two around the perimeter so your guests don't fall into the conversation pit. One wag suggested a bust of Virgil.

Photo is of Graham Robb, biographer of Arthur Rimbaud.

Hummingbird in the Bronx

2009-11-20T12:22:00.000-08:00

I am going to Las Vegas to visit a friend, plus I must go before any more museums close. Too bad I missed the Las Vegas Book Festival. These Cornell-like boxes were part of the festival. Note they are made from hollowed out books. You might still catch a hummingbird at the Reed-Whipple on Las Vegas Blvd., vulgarly known a "The Strip."

The metal sculptures are by Dennis Oppenheim. One is titled Exit Ramp to the Bronx. His sculpture of two paintbrushes will be installed at Charleston and Las Vegas Blvd., vulgarly known as "The Strip."

Now, what kind of book would it be appropriate to hollow out to make your own work of art? Books are not props, you know. Ah! There is the answer. The kind of book would be a prop book. Prop books from stage productions do not even need hollowing out and in fact are not separate books. Another kind to use would be the kind of real books people have in their library or their living room that they do not read, but are just props. A set of the Great Authors, etc. Also there are the books presidents have behind them to show everyone on television that they read. Remember Nixon was sitting in front of a set of bound transcripts? Another suggestion: an embossed leatherette collection of The Complete Works of Some Hack. I am tempted to hollow out my copy of Tobogganing on Parnassus. I will not though. The cover has the mask of Comedy.

How to Manage an English Pop Group

2009-11-17T22:26:00.000-08:00

I've been managing an English pop group called Razorlight. They will be performing at the V Festival in Weston-under-Lizard. Get your tickets now so I can get paid. Below is a pic of the car they tool around in. Pretty cool, huh? Here's a blurb from the V Festival's site "Compared to the hippy, spaced-out vibes of Glastonbury and the harder rock element of Reading, the event is positioned squarely in the mainstream - don't expect late-night communal parties round a bonfire." Razorlight is not mainstream. I am certainly not positioning them that way.

Joan Didion's Little Yellow Corvette

2009-11-15T19:28:00.000-08:00

Once you scroll down past the dental whitening ads you will find at this link the 50 Most Famous Cars of All Time. Glaringly missing from the list is Joni Mitchell's Porche (see Steve's comment on my last post). How could they forget Joan Didion with her little yellow Corvette? And what about, in the day. Gena Rowlands and John Cassevetes' matching Cadillac Sevilles? What about Cesar Romero's white Electra? Richard Carpenter's Avanti?

Tiptoe through the tulip chairs

2009-11-13T09:15:00.001-08:00

I was watching Three Days of the Condor for the 20th time last night and there was a gray IBM Selectric at the receptionists desk! Here is the platen again...reminds me of The Crawling Eye. The platen IBM Pavilion is designed by Charles Eames and Eero Saarinen Associates. The Knoll tulip chair by Eero Saarinen beginning a long tradition of uncomfortable form-fitting chairs. I think there's still a Knoll store in San Francisco's Design District near the Transamerica Pyramid (speaking of 70's architecture). Muscular yet human

The Tulip Chair

2009-11-11T22:43:00.001-08:00

The Dickies

2009-11-05T10:32:00.000-08:00

Manny, Moe and Jack. One of my favorite punk rock groups from the San Fernando Valley along with the Dickies and Troubled Norwegian Youth. The Dickies did these covers:
"Banana Splits (Tra La La Song)" (1979) - UK #7
"Nights in White Satin" (1979) - UK #39
"Manny, Moe And Jack" (1979)
"Gigantor" (1980) - UK #72
"My Pop the Cop" (1998)
"Free Willy" (2001)
List courtesy of Wikipedia

RIP Soupy

2009-10-23T11:58:00.000-07:00

I was writing about how to use a tunafish sandwich to teach math, e.g. Pythagoras, and how mathematicians used to be philosophers, e.g. René Descartes. Then, I heard about the death of Soupy Sales and decided to write about that today. I think comedians can be philosophers too. Thanks to Pythagoras we can figure the area of half a tunafish sandwich. Thank to Soupy we have pies in the face and White Fang.

Giant tuna fish sandwich

2009-10-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

Even though Salty will not eat a tuna fish sandwich for any reason they have other uses. For example, wouldn't half giant tuna fish sandwich sliced diagonally make a wonderful gnomen for a giant sundial? Here is one of San Francisco's giants. Not the best place for sundials, but we do have our sunny days if few between. The sundial pictured here was placed by ancient astronauts so they can tell time from outer space.

Early forms of barter

2009-10-02T13:24:00.000-07:00

Tuna fish sandwiches were among the earliest forms of barter. The best pre-made ones are found in the refrigerator at Walgreen's on Market St. near Old Navy. They come cut in half in the perfect little triangular hard plastic container. This keeps them very fresh. Plus Walgreen's has some really weird a** people to watch. Avoid Saran wrapped 'wiches which "steams" them causing a strange odor to emit.

Demons of the Chafing Dish

2009-09-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

Well, now I've gone down a rarebit hole, I mean rabbit hole. Turns out Thomas Edison did a film about the rarebit fiend . It's a Live-action/animated film. Windsor McCay (pictured) did the nightmare sequence animation that involves demons crawling out of a chafing dish. Speaking of which, my ex-cook Shelbey wrote a book of poetry called Demons of the Chafing Dish. Shelbey asked me to paint cover owl (c) 2009.

One of my favourite poems in the volume is the one about that nocturnal bird

The Owl

What are you doing here in the city with your built-in thatched roof?

Your fists, now prongs --

Run mammal! Run!

The toad has a crust

2009-09-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

Regarding terminology I do not agree with esteemed grammarian H. W. Fowler that "Welsh Rabbit is amusing and right. Welsh Rarebit is stupid and wrong." I believe the Welsh rarebit is right. I believe eating it stupid and wrong. Speaking of which, here's another brilliant UK dish called Toad in the Hole. As you can see the Toad has a crust, a filling of Yorkshire pudding and then pork product: sausages. You can also use kidneys.

Foot Hooks

2009-09-20T20:48:00.000-07:00

Speaking of hardware, Ida Cottage now sells handsome foot hooks on their site. They come in pairs: right and left.

Digdug Saga

2009-09-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

Turns out that Alpine Village has a sister mall in Malaysia called Ida Cottage. Click on the aforesaid link to view the Ida Cottage cheese. Don't forget to scroll down. Yes, they have things with clocks in them, though I promise no rocking chairs. Their watering can reminds me of my mother's Desert Rose pattern of Franciscan Ware which we used as our everyday dishes. It was a wedding gift from my father who purchased it mail-order, and it was shipped from Laguna Beach to Norway via Air Cargo Express. Being Scandinavian, my father liked his coffee boiling hot from the percolator. He would then cool the coffee by pouring some of it into the Desert Rose saucer. My mother thought this crude. He really didn't speak much at dinner; Norwegians don't. He liked doing crossword puzzles between bites of Welsh rarebit or reading a famous Norse saga with missing pages called...

The Pottery Shack in Laguna beach is still a great place to buy whatever pieces of Franciscan Ware you need replacing. And where to eat brunch? Why The Cottage, of course, no matter what the Laguna ex-pats say.

Late night radio show Volume II

2009-09-13T20:20:00.000-07:00

We'll being playing Illya tonight, his song "Communication" and that's what it's all about isn't it? Got a couple of requests, one for Gulliver's People. They are groovy man, and I hope to have them on the show next time they are visiting the Sunset Strip from groovy London. I'm on early tonight subbing for Charlie Tuna who sprained his shoulder frugging. I got a hold of Shadoe Stevens, but the dude sounded very uptight so here I am! On the early shift! Remember McCallum in The Polk Salad Annie Affaire?

Late night radio show Volume I

2009-09-11T23:33:00.000-07:00

This is DJ Digdug speaking to you from atop the Capitol Records building in Los Angeles. Yes, I've been hired to do a late night radio show. We'll be sharing our observations with you, spinning some LPs, taking calls, rapping about whatever you want to rap about and in general having a heck of a time. It's so great looking over the lights of Los Angeles. Over there is the old Hollywood Palace. I remember seeing The Holding Company there. The squares in the row behind me sure didn't like the long hair on those rock 'n' rollers. I think Buddy Hackett was on the bill that night too. His hair isn't exactly short. He doesn't talk like that in real life, you know.

It's so great to be broadcasting in the same place as Rodney Bingenheimer. Putting electrons of connection out to your radios where Elliot Mintz used to rap. Tonight I've got a whole selection of records to play. I wish I could describe to you the back cover of the MGM High Fidelity stereo recording (SE 39460C) of Carnival! with Anna Maria Alberghetti. Anna is snuggling with a green walrus puppet made of wool whose head is slightly larger than hers. The walrus' whiskers and nose are made from raw yarn. The rest of the puppet is shag carpeting. If you want any of this sheet music you can go to vintagemusicbooks. In the mean time, take care of yourself - dig?

Digdug's California Adventure

2009-09-05T18:57:00.001-07:00

Fab find! This film: Rodney Bingenheimer and The Clambake. Well, that was the original title, now it's called Mayor of the Sunset Strip. In it you'll find that Nancy Sinatra named a booth at Cantor's for him. L.A. radio - brings back old memories. I spent a short time there writing for the television series Cornonet Blue.

A word to the wise

2009-09-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

Wear safety goggles and gloves when handling large magnets. The ones used in this experiment are medium sized, but can still cause minor pinches. Small ones are very safe unless taken internally.

Egg on my face

2009-08-24T22:54:00.001-07:00

Good evening all. Thought I'd pop my head in for a minute. Yesterday I left my my-oh-my tower up the winding street from the art deco building of Dark Passage and trudged down the hill's steep wooden stairs to meet friends in the design district for brunch at an Indian restaurant, the Mahabharata. It is decorated with drawings of temple sculpture. My friend Bob was with his latest, a biker from Placerville.

"Placer-ville!" I exclaimed, "Rimbaud was born in Charleville."

"Is that in the Sierras?" The biker asked.

"No," I sneered, "it's near the Belgian border."

The conversation switched to the Mahabharata and Phillipe Stark. No one seemed to have seen the nine-hour stage production nor played the video game. The biker, who was sort of a male version of Eliza Doolittle, seemed perfectly happy wolfing down his Tandoori chicken. Read the amazing and absolutely true story of Tandoori here.

Where Dreams Come True

2009-08-20T06:36:00.001-07:00

His thankless job was to patrol the hotel grounds each morning looking for dead bodies. The Disneyland Hotel had the highest suicide rate of any lodging in the United States. At a park with such a cheery public image it was important that any "situations" be handled quickly and delicately. He did not wear an obvious security guard uniform, but a blue blazer pinned with an oval ID badge. It said "Ruben" (not his real name), "Disneyland" and had a Sleeping Beauty Castle embossed in gold.

It was a month and a half since he had found a dead body. We are falling behind, he thought. He smiled a wicked smile. That was bad luck. He retracted the thought. Then his heavy shoe hit a stiff leg encased in a nylon stocking. On the ground was the body of a woman about 5'10". If she had fallen a couple of feet to the right a topiary hippo would have saved her life. She had blond hair, disheveled from the fall, expensive makeup, a string of pearls and a tight green dress. Hither and thither on the perfectly trimmed grass past the sidewalk were her very green high heels and her black briefcase that almost made it all the way to the miniature remote-control Jungle Boats in the lagoon.

He collected the heels, which aroused him, and the briefcase. Inside the briefcase was a faux leather daytimer. It showed her schedule for a sales convention that day at the Anaheim Convention Center. Organizations were not required to have conventions in Anaheim, but the city had excellent convention facilities, many hotels and, of course, Disneyland. No doubt she billed the $350 a night corporate hotel rate to her company. They trained trainers to train salespeople on how to sell more products. The training they sold was called Framework for Enterprise Empowerment (FEE).

Maybe she was going through a divorce. Maybe she had blown that big sale. These answers were too simple. What was it that all the departed guests of the Disneyland Hotel had in common? The stress of a vacation or a conference? Why was he thinking so much as he nervously hid her body with his shadow? He should be radioing for a tarp. In his seven years he saw a chorus line of dead bodies and he wanted an answer. This was the Kobayashi Maru of Disneyland. What was it about Disneyland? Maybe it did not always provide the promised happiness .

Shadow Boxer Bear Brick Bento Bingo

2009-08-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

Landron and I were having sushi in San Francisco's Japantown on Sunday. He mentioned Joseph Cornell. I realize how much Cornell's pieces resemble bento boxes. Technically, bento boxes should be of wood, painted in black lacquer and have a lid that a heartily interested person lifts to reveal the steaming, colorful contents. The box should not be a rhomboid like the one pictured, but a rectangle based on the golden mean. After lunch we went to New People, a multi-level J-pop shopping center. They had BE＠RBRICK toys(left). In fact they had a Never Mind the Bollocks BE＠RBRICK (the version with the Queen). I would die for one. Wish list! It would go great next to my Sid Ku brick toy. Collectible vinyl Japanese toys could become an addiction; however, I don't believe in be@rbricking. I always play safe. In New People's basement there is a cinema playing the manga Twentieth Century Boys. Didn't we jus t post about Marc Bolan? Barenomore is the collector pictured. Buy his BE@RS!

The Shuffleboard Community

2009-08-14T07:17:00.001-07:00

Being a longtime member of the shuffleboard community I practice at Doc's Clock. It's not too far from the now defunct Twelve Galaxies, a music nightclub named after a delusion. Doc's brings back memories because I would never venture into its dive environs unless I was an avid member of the shuffleboard community. In the earlier 70's I once had a tete-a-tete with another young man like myself, a bartender at Doc's. He was married, but also had a male lover who lived downstairs. This was not so unusual on the tail end of the bi-sexual androgynous 70's. A lot of musicians like Marc Bolan appeared to be gay back then when they probably were not, but kinda represented gaydom, or at least discodom. Let's just say that all that glitters is not gay. The wearing of glitter is forbidden at Doc's Clock, not because of homophobia, but because glitter may fall onto the shuffleboard table prematurely causing a disc to stop. Here is a poetic quote from the official rules of shuffleboard: "It is legitimate and often desirable to cause disks to knock into each other. " This is a picture of Doc's Clock official mascot. His name is "Intro."

The Paint Dries Quietly

2009-08-12T07:04:00.000-07:00

The paint dries quietly.
The soundtrack begins on low,
trucks honking; workmen yelling.

Down below two men kiss each other on the street,
whispering good bye.

The sun coming up makes him sleepy.
He flops on the coach,
Pulls a koi-patterned sheet over his head.

A calico enters,
examines the painting with her little black nose,
and leaves a white whisker in the work.

13:15

2009-08-11T16:17:00.000-07:00

13:15 are the proportions of the state flag of Belgium. This is in case you ever on on Jeopardy!

Must do's

2009-08-06T22:10:00.000-07:00

You must click on this word, darlings:
Couture

Hasn't Kathryn Crosby suffered enough?

2009-08-01T07:27:00.000-07:00

1977: Bing Crosby dies on a golf course in Spain.

Bing's body is barely cold when the Bing Crosby National Pro-Amateur Golf Championship becomes the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am. Kathryn boycotts for years (though she recently returned to see her sons play like no get out). Adding insult to injury Microsoft names their new search engine Bing. "When it comes to decisions that matter, Bing & Decide." What's next, Proctor & Bingle?

You would think

2009-07-31T14:48:00.000-07:00

Marc Bolan is the only thing keeping me going this week. I've been playing his records nonstop since a rancorous meeting of the International Society of Giant and Regular Size Sundial Admirers of the United States and Canada in Banff where my Norwegian temper flared. The arguments were so loud I thought we would break the windows of the Banff Springs Hotel. Some people call it the Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel, but to me it will always be the Banff Springs Hotel just as the "Sheraton Palace" in San Francisco will always be the Palace to me.

Sundial admirers are very sensitive people. The Society worked on its plans to put out a coffee table book called, naturally, Tempus Fugit, but believe me tempus didn't fugit that weekend of our junket, er I mean, conference. I think things will work out. When the movie is made of the conference called Banff Sundial Interoperability Capability Milestone it will star "Mr. Anger" John Malkovich and "Miss T-Mobile" Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Here are some famous sundial mottos. Can you guess which one is quoted in "Rushmore"?

A LUMINE MOTUS - Moved by light ABSQUE SOLE, ABSQUE USU - Without sun, without use AGE QUOD AGIS - Do what you are doing ALIIS INSERVIENDO CONSUMOR - By serving others, I am worn away ARS LONGA, VITA BREVIS - Art lasts, life is short ASPICE ET ABI - Look (at me) and pass on ASPICE ME - Look upon me BULLA EST VITA HUMANA - Human life is a bubble DEO FAVENTE - With God's favour DEUS ADEST LABORANTIBUS - God favors the diligent DEUS EST LUMEN LUMINIS - God is the light of light DIES DIEM TRUDIT - Each day forces out another day DISCE BENE VIVERE & MORI - Learn to live well and to die well PAISLEY PUELLA REQUIRO REEF AMO HAUD ADEPTO SICCO - Paisley girl misses reef like no get out DISCE DIES NUMERARE TUOS - Learn to value your days DUM SPECTAS FUGIO - I flee even as you observe me EX HOC MOMENTO PENDET AETERNITAS - Eternity is hinged upon this moment FESTINA LENTE - Make haste slowly HINC VIVERE DISCE, HOMO QUASI UMBRA - A man is like a shadow HORA PARS VITAE - Every hour is a part of life ICH DIEN - I serve (German)I LLINC DISCE MORI - Learn to live on this side, learn to live on the other side (i.e. of the sundial)IN COELO QUIES - In heaven is restIO VADE E VEGNO OGNI GIORNO, MA TU ANDRAI SENZA RITORNO - I go and come every day, but thou shalt go without returning (Italian)ITA VITA - Thus (passes) lifeLABOR IPSE VOLUPTAS - Labor contains pleasure last one to shine upon you LEX DEI, LUX DEI - The law of God, the light of God MORA TRAHIT PERICULUM - Delay engenders perils MUNDI OCULUS - The eye of the worldNE QUID PEREAT - Let nothing be lostNEMO SINE CRIMINE VIVIT - Nobody lives sinlessly NIL SINE NOBIS - Nothing exists without us NON NOBIS NATI SUMUS - We are not born for ourselves NON REDIBO - I shall not return NON SINE LUMINE - Not without light NOSCE TEIPSUM - Know thyself OMNEM CREDE DIEM TIBI DILUXISSE SUPREMUM - Assume that every day is the OMNIA FALCE METIT TEMPUS - Time reaps everything with its sickle OMNIA FERT AETAS - Time brings all things OMNIBUS LUCET - It shines for all PER I FELICI ED I TRISTI SEGNO UGULAMENTE LE ORE - For the happy and the sad, I mark the hours alike (Itaian)POST TENEBRAS SPERO LUCEM - I hope for light after darkness POST VOLUPTATEM MISERICORDIA - After pleasure - pity QUALIS VITA, FINIS ITA - Each life has an end that suits it QUID CELERIUS TEMPORE? - What is swifter than time? SAPIENTIS EST NUMERARE - It is the wise who count SENZA PALAR DA TUTTI SON INTESO. SENZA PALESO FAR RUMOR L'ORA - Without speaking, I am understood by all, without a noise, I reveal the hour (Italian)SIC TRANSIT GLORIA MUNDI - Thus passes the glory of this world SILENS LOQUOR - THOUGH SILENT, I SPEAK SINE SOLE SILEO - Without sun, I am silent SINE UMBRA NIHIL - Without shadow nothing SOL DEUS VISIBILIS, DEUS SOL INVISIBILIS - The Sun is the visible god, God the invisible sunSOL REGIT OMNIA - The sun rules allSUB SOLE VANITAS - Vanity under the sunTEMPUS AD LUCEM DUCIT VERITATEM - Time brings truth to light ULTIMA DECIDET - The last one decidesUMBRA DEI - The shadow of God UMBRA! QUID ASPICIS? UMBRAM - Shadow! What seest thout? Shadow UNAM TIME - Fear one hour VENI, VIDE, VALE - Come, see, farewell VERITAS TEMPORIS FILIA - Truth is the daughter of time VIA VITAE - The road of life VIGILATE & ORATE, TEMPUS FUGIT - Be vigilant and pray, for the time hastes away VOICI VOTRE HEURE - Here is your hour (French)VOS ESTIS LUX MUNDI - You are the light of the world

2009-07-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

As I enjoy my typical Norwegian breakfast of cheese horn, fish and scalding hot coffee an LP entitled Midnight Cowboy (not the original soundtrack)is playing on my Swedish-modern hi-fi. People ask me why I have two grand pianos in my Telegraph Hill towerette. "It's an art installation." I reply. They just don't get it. Admittedly pianos don't leave room for a couch, not even one that can be resized with hedge clippers, but piano benches are excellent for sitting yoga, keeping the back straight. Comfy chairs only encourage slouching.

All trumpets played by Herb Alpert

2009-07-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

Whilst looking at a photos by Avedon at the SFMOMA on Sunday, I remarked to Junk Thief that I was reminded of Herb Alpert by Leibovitz on the cover of Blow Your Own Horn. Herb has no shirt on and there is a glistening drop of saliva just about to fall from the mouthpiece of the brass instrument that he caresses in his hands. Avedon caught people off-guard and Leibovitz shewed their blemishes. I still wouldn't mind sleeping with Herb or the Tijuana Brass. Herb looks like a cross between Tom Jones (yum) and Ricardo Montelban the Latin actor Junk Thief immortalized in a Cordoba pastiche. I'm putting Herb on my IPOD pulling on an IZOD and heading to a rich Corinthian leather bar!

Where the action is!

2009-07-19T19:52:00.000-07:00

Slightly used upside down crown rib roast chandelier for sale

2009-07-16T16:08:00.000-07:00

I spoke with legal this morning and they said that there is no trademark infringement problem with using "Crown" as the name of my new crown rib roast lighting fixture company because no one will confuse it with the German fork lift company. You see, I am accepting Digdug Cuckoo Clock Ltd.'s golden parachute of considerably less than GM's CEO's $10,000,000. I'll use my $500.16 parachute to buy a rib roast and rent a storefront. Well, at least a rib roast. A crown rib roast chandelier is the perfect compliment to crown molding.

Here are some actual German fork lift drivers. Even though I don't lift things (I have other people lift them for me) I have always been obsessed about the rules for correctly lifting something (with the knees). I'm sure I would be a ruined man if I lifted something incorrectly, so I don't bother to lift anything including a finger.

More Roasts

2009-07-15T20:53:00.000-07:00

Of the titling of my previous post "Crow Rib Roast" - wasn't that a Freudian slip! There's nothing left for me to do here now that I've been realigned so I am enjoying the pleasures of corporate life by munching on a crown rib roast prepared by the fellow who used to be my corporate chef. I am enjoying it by myself in the walnut boardroom where my portrait used to hang above the fireplace. Bill has replaced it with an oil painting of an oil tanker for some unknown reason.

Crow Rib Roast

2009-07-13T15:57:00.000-07:00

Bill and I had our first meeting after the coup, I mean, smooth transition. He asked me what I thought our value drivers were. I said I wasn't sure any more. The retro-Black Forest kitsch movement was over and people were throwing their antler chandeliers into the recycling bin (as well as our products). He was befuddled. Well, that's right his career has been putting coal in childrens' Christmas stockings not interior design,home furnishings or the gift and tourist industries. I threw out a new idea: because of the current economic conditions people were doing "staycations", but still wanted to feel like they had been to Europe. There was a need for fake souvenirs. In other words people could claim to their ski bunny and ski bunny venture capitalist friends that they had been to Tuscany when in fact they were in Fairfield in the Quality Inn enjoying compimentary breakfasts. So, I suggested to our new CEO that we open shops all over the U.S. called "All the Junk You Forgot to Bring Home from Europe." He suggested I work from home.

As they say in the Tao of Communication: Patterns in people's reactions to change enable the organization to effectively manage human behaviors.

Change Journey

2009-07-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

This morning I was ousted as CEO of the Digdug Cuckoo Clock Company effective immediately. I still remain president of the corporation. Our new CEO Bill Ludmack (pictured) has my full support. He has many years experience in the pharmaceutical industry as well as coal. Bill emphasized how we had to "dig" in in this economy. You'll find him a very personable man. Fun at barbecues.

Miniature Tigers

2009-07-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

Miniature Tigers are coming to the Cafe du Nord along with FAREWELL TYPEWRITER Tuesday July 7. AND same venue July 17: FLIPPER!!!! Here's what the Nord has to say about them:

Early 80's San Francisco Punk Rock!!Flipper, one of history's most in-your-face outfits, was championed by Biafra. Although not hardcore kids, these SF Punk vets with ex-members of The Offs and Negative Trend made their name playing to Hardcore Punk crowds.Ted Falconi, Steve DePace, Bruce Loose, and Will Shatter-a sleazy, unserious indulgent mooch of dubious character, but an incredibly talented artist and musician-could torture young audiences like no one else.

I'm proud to say my hearing was ruined forever one evening at the Mabuhay Gardens when Flipper played S*x Bomb - one of the greatest screeching bray song ever written with a base bit that signifies the id.

Monger

2009-07-01T13:15:00.000-07:00

When I let go of my cheese monger along with the rest of the staff (big tear fogs up my monicle) I wasn't sure what he would do. He's found a new job thanks to this listing on Craig's List:

Are you a Cheese Specialist looking for a whole new way of working? A brand new retail marketplace and bistro is scheduled to open soon in the Showplace Square/Potrero Hill district. We are actively looking for experienced Cheese Lead for a start up concept store "Market Gallery". The store will showcase ongoing selections of local, international and private label gourmet products in addition to cooking classes, home and garden products and monthly events at the store. This "ever-changing" retail concept will also showcase culinary and garden-related antiques and salvaged artifacts. The individuals we're are looking for will ensure quality guest service through active listening, have the ability to identify the best products for the customer and suggesting alternatives and/or additional items as appropriate. They thrive on interaction and consistently meet or exceed their sales and customer service goals!

Yes, Ole is now a Cheese Lead. I liked the store's idea of showcasing salvaged artifacts with cheese. Paxton Gate does not carry cheese. Perhaps someone moved their cheese.