- Was your mother a cub scout leader?
- Did you ever want to go into the ministry?
- Have you ever taken Valium?
- Do you like Better Midler?
- Did your mother have a hamburger press with a rooster on it?
The last question was a deal-breaker. If someone answered "no" to all the questions, but their mother had a hamburger press with a rooster on it - they were gay. Period.
Because of the quiz my friend Jaz began collecting hamburger presses. All of them had roosters on them because all hamburger presses have roosters on them. This collection was profiled in the LA Times Magazine about strange collections. It was in a museum show in Fullerton. He read about the collection recently at Smackdab, a queer literary and performance open mic at Magnet in San Francisco's vibrant Castro district.
When Jaz went to the mic he brought a hamburger press along for show and tell. It had a rooster on it. A very proud rooster puffing his chest out, followed by two little, yellow chicks. The words cock of the walk were painted below the illustration. It finally hit me. Why all hamburger presses had roosters on them. Cooking hamburgers was dad's job, on weekends, on the backyard grill. Imagine an advertisement for a grill with dad in the back yard wearing a chef's hat, mom playing with two children, a boy and a girl. A dachshund looking up at the grill.